Philosophers Of the Centuries....

 ~ Betsy Salkind... 
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. 

~ Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. 
 
  ~ Prince Philip... 
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
 
  ~ Harrison Ford... 
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. 
 
   ~ Spike Milligan... 
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. 
 
  ~ Jean Rostand... 
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. 
 
  ~  Arnold Schwarzenegger... 
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. 
 
  ~ WH Auden... 
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. 
 
  ~ Jonathan Katz... 
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. 
 
  ~ Johnny Carson... 
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.  
  ~ Steve Martin... 
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. 
 
  ~ Jimmy Durante... 
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. 


.   ~ George Roberts. 
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. 
 
  ~ Jonathan Winters... 
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.  


  ~ Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
 
  ~ John Glenn... 
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. 
 
  ~ David Letterman... 
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. 
 
  ~ Howard Hughes... 
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire. 
 
   ~ Old Italian proverb.. 
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

H/T Lenmar