A Few Thoughts........

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men till they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they're sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You don't need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.

The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas!

Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

H/T Old Dude