Australian Cricket........

WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.

What do you call a world class Australian cricketer?
Retired!

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn't keep losing the Ashes.

What do you call an Australian cricketer with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What's the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.

What's the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

H/T Rodney