Random Thoughts..........

I'm almost as smart as my phone.
Some dress for success. I dress for recess.
I believe in sacrifices. Can I start with you?
Lawyers: the world's 2nd oldest profession.
I'm not procrastinating until tomorrow.
Patience might be a virtue, but flipping someone off feels better.
If idiots grew on trees, this place would be a friggin' orchard.
I've seen the future and I'm going back to bed.
Diplomacy: the art of telling someone to go to hell,
and having them look forward to the trip.
Lead me not into temptation. I have my own GPS
Looking for love. (Will settle for green jelly beans.)
I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't make me kill you.
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
If I were you, I'd wanna be me.
I'm not aging, I'm fermenting.
My food pyramid is made from beer cans.
Hybrid human ... Runs on beer.
Yes, beer qualifies as an appetizer.
Hard times call for hard liquor.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

H/T DML