The last of the one liners.........

331. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
332. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
333. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
334. I bet you I could stop gambling.
335. The only difference between the people I’ve dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.
336. Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off.
337. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
338. Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
339. If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
340. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
341. Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
342. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
343. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
344. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
345. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
346. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
347. The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!
348. Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.
349. When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
350. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
351. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
352. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
353. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
354. With a calendar, your days are numbered.
355. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
356. The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
357. It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.
358. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
359. If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
360. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
361. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
362. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
363. A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
364. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
365. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
366. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
367. If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
368. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
369. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
370. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
371. Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
372. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …
373. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
374. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
375. If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
376. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

H/T DML