A few one-liners...part 3

41. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
42. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
43. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
44. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
45. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
46. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
47. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
48. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
49. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
50. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
51. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
52. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
53. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
54. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
55. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
56. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
57. It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
58. Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
59. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
60. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

H/T DML