A few more one liners........

221. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
222. True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
223. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
224. If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.
225. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
226. Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.
227. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
228. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store is free yet?
229. There are no winners in life…only survivors.
230. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
240. Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
241. Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
242. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
243. The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
244. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
245. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
246. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
247. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
248. A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
249. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
250. If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.

H/T DML