A few more one-liners.............

181. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
182. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’
183. A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.
184. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
185. Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
186. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
187. For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
188. I’m a humble person, really. I’m actually much greater than I think I am.
189. Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’
190. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
191. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
192. I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
193. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
194. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
195. There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
196. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
197. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
198. They call it “pms” because “mad cow disease” was already taken.
199. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
200. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

H/T DML