A few more one-liners.............

161. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
162. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.
163. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
164. There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.
165. We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
166. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
167. To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
168. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
169. Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
170. Vegetarian: Native American definition for “lousy hunter”.
171. Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
172. The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
173. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
174. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
175. Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
176. Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
177. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
178. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
179. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
180. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

H/T DML