A Few More One Liners.........

141. If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
142. You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Fuck it – just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.
143. It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
144. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
145. Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
146. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
147. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
148. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
149. Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna divorce her.
150. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
151. Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
152. Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
153. The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
154. When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
155. Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.
156. Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
157. Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
158. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
159. I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality you can’t handle.
160. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

H/T DML