A Few More One Liners........

121. The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
122. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
123. Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
124. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
125. By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
126. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
127. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
128. If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”
129. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
130. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
131. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
132. Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
133. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
134. We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
135. Who was the first to see a cow and think “I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?”
136. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
137. Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
138. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
139. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
140. The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

H/T DML