Light News....

MPs' expenses: No hiding place for Mr Speaker as cross-party push builds for Martin to go by next week. Chuck him out.

MPs' expenses: Yes we can put them before a jury, say top lawyers. Good.

Bailed-out bank UBS gives staff a 50% pay increase. They haven't learned a thing.

Taxman can use database of ID cards to track our spending habits and bank accounts. They can piss right off.

Coming to a town near you, the new breed of 'super rat' with poison-resistant DNA. Westminster is already overrun with them.

From choo-choo to bridal train: A soot-covered Jeremy Clarkson gatecrashes Scottish wedding. Dirty bugger.

James May's Plasticine Garden at Chelsea Flower Show 2009. Should be fun.

Countryside Alliance calls for children to be taught about blood sports. Great idea.

Iraq's fledgeling navy takes possession of its first naval patrol boat. Captain Arab!


and finally....

Lewis might as well be in a wheelbarrow. Clarkypoos on F1.

Bra Boosts Cleavage When Women Desire Intercourse. (H/T JMH)

Masanobu Sato wins masturbating event yet again. (H/T Filippo)