We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine....
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings
them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women. 
H/T Nebraska Bob
Sunday, 24 May 2009
BBQ RULES..........
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1 comment:
If anything remotely related to Ketchup is involved, it is NOT BARBECUE.
Barbecue is a food group, not an activity. Activity involves keeping the offset smoker going for anywhere from 8-36 hours, depending on what you are barbecuing.
Bonus points for offset firebox and making the actual barbecueing apparatus out of old oil field steel and drums.
Sauce is for people that live in other countries, not Texas. Yes, I still consider us a country and find it handy that we have the only nukclear weapons plant in the US, in case it ever comes to fisticuffs.
Potato salad is part of a barbecue meal and should involve mustard.
Slaw can go either way, but I live and share roads with German folk so we go for the vinegar rather than sweet. If we need sugar, we sip a Big Red or Sweet Iced Tea, or have a beer...we don't look into cabbage salads for it.
Vidalia onions are always a good idea.
When doing large bits of pork, making incisions and inserting garlic cloves and serrano peppers in the deep slits you make in the meat is a REALLY GOOD IDEA.
If it involves a brazier, braii, or a Webber and doesn't involve chopped large chunks of trees, but briquets instead, that's called GRILLING not BARBECUE. Not that that's bad, but it ain't barbecue.
Pecan wood is underrated and mesquite is overrated, live oak is just about right for primary cooking. Never barbecue with Juniper unless it's a survival instinct. You won't like it.
Paper towels and loafs of sliced bread for everyone. Slices of bread mostly eliminate the need for napkins and paper towels.
Beans have meat (usually ham hock) in them. Chili, if offered as a side, does not have beans.
Just aiming to help everybody's memorial day BARBECUE actually involve BARBECUE.
Dunno if it's any easier or harder than makin shine, wine, and beers, but it is darn close.
Have a good memorial day to all of the remaining non-socialist/communist/muslim scumbags that also frequent this page.
My writing above may be accused of Rocky Mountain state and Texas bias, but that's OK, because it is, I am, and I'm not ashamed.
Eat well and remember the ones that served, even the ones that might be ladies that didn't make proper slaw but riveted aeroplanes together and flew them to the fronts.
Good fine motor skills but the fairer species is still lacking in spending multiple days nursemaiding briskets while picking guitars, drinking, and telling lies. That's what makes them feminine. Ever try and get a gal to spot for you and watch the firebox for 4-6 hours whilst you have a nap at 4am? If you ever meet one that will do it, I'll marry her.
Q: Know the difference between a Yankee and quickie?
A: Well, you end up going for the Yankee after being refused the quickie after asking Sheryl to go out and watch the firebox in the middle of the night in a thunderstorm so you can take a nap as the hog roasts!
If anybody needs further coaching, try here. Read the reviews of all the recommend books and then buy them all and you don't need to wear a Stetson or boots to do it properly. I don't wear no Stetson often, but I'm a bigger Texan than most folk that are all hat and lackin' cattle. I see them wearing them when they come out to my favorite secret cue spots that GW accidentally leaked to the press. (Apologies to Guy C. on mangling his lyric, but it fit)
Chin Chin, Me English and Yankee friends and the ones scattered across Africa and the desert sands,
W. West Thomas
Visual AID for people unfamiliar with BARBECUE vs grilling.
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