The Sunday Best.....

'Smeargate' is 'final nail in Gordon Brown's political coffin' as scandal triples David Cameron's poll lead. Sadly he will probably hang on to the bitter end, with disastrous results for Britain.

Flying the flag on St George’s Day? Sorry...you don’t have enough poles. Ridiculous.

Walking tall: Crowds turn out to salute heroes returning from Afghanistan. Welcome home lads.

It must be spring! The first of this year's crop circles has been spotted. Wasn't me.

Double Dutch: Commandos capture Somali pirates and free 20 hostages ... but release the bandits because they're not from the Netherlands. WTF!

Ballot boxes tampered with inside Labour HQ as daughter of Blair's aide is hit by new voting scandal. Expect more of this at the next election.

Oblivion waits for Brown's tinpot regime. It can't come soon enough.

Three suspected militants killed by US missile in Pakistan. Reach out and touch!

Chef on Royal Navy submarine HMS Tireless on secrets of feeding 130 under the sea. Move over Ramsey.




Royal Navy nuclear submarine - slang food terms used by crew.

Royal Marine rugby tackles Taliban suicide bomber to save servicemen. Man is a hero.

Trouble in a British paradise. The Empire strikes back.

Somali pirates becoming 'more sophisticated' warns British naval commander. Hit their bases.

Barack Obama must beware of playing party politics with security. He is going to balls things up.

Spitfire found in scrapyard to sell for £2 million. A bargain. Pity I am £1,999,998 short.

Zimbabwean vice-pm orders farm invaders 'off the land'. It's a start.

Iran offers to train Afghan police. I think not.

South African election: ANC faces vital challenge from Democratic Alliance. About time.

Schools call in police 100,000 times a year. Bring back corporal punishment.

Israel stands ready to bomb Iran's nuclear sites. The only option.

Israelis warn of Eritrea flashpoint. More trouble brewing.

Tsvangirai crash cause questioned. Accident my ass!

.....the Clarkypoos bit

It’s pure hell in the mountainous Cotswold region.

Why I won't volt Labour.

and little Jimmy May...

Say it with flowers.


and finally....

Hookers offer discounts amid limp sex trade.

Hair Stylist Keeps Armed Robber as Sex Slave.