News....

Helmand heroine. Good girl. She is also cute.

It's official: Women ARE more equal than men as Harman shakeup gives preferential treatment. More bull from Harriet Harmful.

Lord Of The Flies savages: Gang of children stripped, beat and tortured boy, 15, before leaving him for dead in a shallow grave. Hang them.

The butler did it... but magistrates remove his electronic tag so he can continue looking after the Countess anyway. One can't survive without one's staff.

Big Brother climbdown: Smith does U-turn after admitting public don't want a huge database. They will do it on the sly instead.

Nelson's battlefield: Forgotten clumps of trees that map out victory in Battle of the Nile. Must be saved. And we could plant a Trafalgar version.

Swine flu confirmed in Britain. No doubt found in the House of Commons. Actually it would be rather ironic if the Taleban were wiped out by swine flu.

Sri Lanka army 'to stop shelling' Tamil Tiger enclave. Jolly nice of them.

Zimbabwe jets could be seized. They have jets!!!!!

Pakistan's President says Osama bin Laden could be dead. What about that old poof Zaraqueeri?

Yorkshireman 'spoke with Irish accent after brain surgery'. So he is still illiterate.

Territorial Army recruits to be fast-tracked to the front line. So they can cut back the regulars. Get rid of the MoD and use the billions saved to increase our military.

Elephants abandon troubled Zimbabwe. Not stupid these elephants.

Pupils aged 11 to learn about gay sex. WTF!!!

and finally.....


More Naked Anti-Germanism. Some naked yodelling from Jules.