News....

Teachers report widespread abuse. It was the teaching unions that 'abolished' discipline in schools. Now they are whining about the consequences.

UK deficit 'more than predicted'. Actually it was predicted by everyone with any brains. Sadly that excludes the Socialist rabble running this country.

The schoolboy 'torturers': Police quiz two children as boys, 9 and 11, are slashed, burned and thrown into 30ft ditch. WTF! Name them and prosecute their parents.

Back again: Deported twice but Algerian bag thief saunters in to Britain for the SECOND time in two years. What do customs do all day?

I'll lead us to a nuke-free world, promises Obama hours after North Korea fires long-range missile. He is without doubt the most dangerous idiot on the planet. He is going to get into a full scale world war.

British troops fear for fate of mascot Sandbag the dog who could be killed when they leave Iraq. Bring him home. Customs will never notice.

Second tragedy for Tsvangirai as his two-year-old grandson drowns in his swimming pool. One accident maybe, but two?

Firefighters told to use poles to test fire alarms... as stepladders 'are too dangerous'. Next they will be banned from using hoses 'cos they are heavy!!!!

Archbishop of York calls for St George's Day to be 'unifying' public holiday. This guy should be head of the Church of England. Sadly as he is not some pansy-assed liberal his chances are slim.

Paul Boateng to leave Cape Town after bullying claims. He has always been an odious creep.

Barack Obama goes ahead with missile defence shield despite disarmament pledge. A spot of self-preservation as DC is a likely target.

Hay fever 'could be cured by sex'. Why do I see a lot of hayfever sufferers testing this theory all summer long.

UN fails to reach accord on North Korea rocket launch. The UN fails at everything. We should quit.

Somali pirates 'capture' 20,000-tonne German ship. We must start hitting their bases.

Barack Obama can't make rogues like North Korea play by his rules. He is a fantasist.

Leave Turkey’s bid to join EU to us, Nicolas Sarkozy warns Barack Obama. Sarko would do well in the UK.

and finally....

Tip Of The Day: Never tick off a guy that owns a backhoe. (H/T JMH)