THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY......

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Law of the Bath : When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

H/T Shelly