News....

'Chocolate tax' to tackle obesity. Fat chance!!

Women joining Chelsea pensioners. Not sure this is good.

Muslim protester who branded our troops murderers is baggage handler at Luton Airport. An islamonazi handling baggage at an airport. What ever happened to security vetting.

Freed to wage war on British troops: Guantanamo prisoner is now a Taliban chief. And Obama wants to shut the place.

UK to have Europe's biggest population: Migration will force us ahead of Germany, says UN. Not if we stop letting people in! We should also start removing those who hate Britain.

Internet ad tracking system will put a 'spy camera' in the homes of millions, warns founder of the web. Peeping toms.

House prices 'could drop another 55%' and leave Britain bankrupt. The media do like to scare the s**t out of people.

Get Shorty! The tiny pony who keeps sparking 999 calls ... because people think she's stuck in the mud. Ahhhhhh....

Gulf War pilot sacked for letting footballer on flight deck was on final warning for stripping to underwear. Pablo and that tache are legendary. The airline obviously have no idea what PR is.







Only surviving WWII Hurricane crash-lands... six weeks after its £1.5million three-and-a-half year restoration is completed. Bugger. Thankfully it is not that serious.

Bright schoolchildren take back seat to 'social misfits', says head teacher. Bring back the birch.

Number of world billionaires slumps by a third. Oh dear!!!!!

Democrats draw up plan for second stimulus bill. If at first you don't succeed, go f**kup again.

Man charged with gyrocopter murder of hunt follower. Hang him.

North Korea to launch satellite in early April. This could get interesting.

Civil servants and ministers spend £1billion on consultants. Get rid of the civil servants and ministers who obviously cannot do their jobs. How many of them will end up as 'directors' of the consultants companies?

Overvalued euro set to plunge 'within months'. And the EU will fall apart.

Fire service 'not prepared for major terror attack'. So let's tell everyone about it. How effing stupid are our MPs?

Celebrity chefs' recipes under fire for high saturated fat content. And they all taste great.

Bernie Ecclestone divorced by wife as he faces £2.4 billion battle over his fortune. That's a lot of money.

Luton parade protesters 'were members of extremist group'. Deport them immeadiately.

White House lawn could be turned into a vegetable patch. No watermelon jokes!!!!

Iranian TV show scrapped after child calls toy monkey Ahmadinejad live on air. Imadinnerjacket's 'popularity' is in decline. Hopefully terminal.

Barack Obama says Darfur violence is "not acceptable". Neither is the situation in Zimbabwe but Obama will do nothing to end both problems except spout meaningless platitudes to the press.

Gordon Brown looks to Barack Obama to rescue demoralised Labour Party. That should finally finish off Labour.

Solar panels in the Sahara 'could power the whole of Europe'. And what religion dominates the Sahara? Does Europe really want to be beholden to Islamonutters for their power?

and finally.....

Council spends £6,000 fitting sat navs to lawnmowers.