Do you ever worry about the NHS at all ? You should -

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow....

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

H/T DML