Saturday 16 February 2008
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Pick your favorite Caption below to this picture.
1."Why did I marry her? Why didn't I just put a loaded gun in my mouth? Why God, Why?"
2."Holy crap, look at that rear end. Somewhere, a semi-truck?is missing its 'Oversized Load' sign."
3."Somewhere, there's two fat girls naked in a hot tub and I'm stuck here listening to her jabber on about health care."
4. "Sheesh, Rush is soo right - She does sound like Nurse Ratched!"
5. "My God, does that woman never shut up?"
6. "Wow!!? I could'a had a V8!!"
7. "I wonder if Monica still has the same phone number."
8. "I wonder of the 22nd Amendment is consitutional.."
H/T Shelly
News...
Dead hero failed by his country. Sadly no-one at the MOD will be held responsible for this. Our civil servants MUST be held accountable for their failings.
'Heartless' Des in goggles fury. Browne must go. He is a disgrace and his continued presence at the MOD is an insult to our troops.
Troops died in 'wrong vehicle'. And the snatch landrovers are still being used.
One-stop clinics 'are the future'. Stop messing with the shambles that is the NHS.
McCartney AGREES to pay Heather £55m...
Pass mark for SATs test to be lowered to prevent students failing. Can Britain's education system get any worse?
Tide turns as Poles end great migration. Expect a shortage of skilled hard working types. We need the Poles to fill in the gaps left by the British 'workforce'.
Fireworks, flags and fury as a new country prepares to join the world. Expect more trouble in the Balkans. Serbia may need another slap.
Patricia Hewitt in line for EU role. The useless bitch is perfect for Brussels.
Iveco LMV: Dangerous World. Why are these still sitting in Britain. Our troops need them now.
James May: Fluorescent folly. James on the over use of hiviz clothing. Personally I am all for a bit of hiviz!!!
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
--------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
--------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all. "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
--------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one.
H/T Pete Hurrell
Friday 15 February 2008
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,
"For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"
H/T Pete Hurrell
A KC-135 Stratotanker refuels a B-2 Spirit Nov. 20 over the Pacific Ocean. The B-2 and KC-135 are deployed to Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, to support U.S. Pacific Command's continuous bomber presence and theater security package operations. The KC-135 is assigned to the from the 121st Refueling Squadron from Rickenbacker International Airport at Columbus, Ohio. The B-2 is assigned to the 509th Bomb Wing from Whiteman AFB, Mo. (U.S. Air Force photo/Senior Airman Brian Kimball)
H/T Mark Scott
Welcome to Britain.....
Hackney Council may exercise its right to intercept any communication with any employee or agent of the Council using its telephony or data networks. By using these networks you give your consent to Hackney Council monitoring and recording your communication.
If you have received this e-mail in error please delete it immediately and contact the sender.
For further information about Hackney Council policies please contact Hackney Service Centre on: 0208 *** ****
Regards Numpty
News...
Multiculturalism is making Britain 'a soft touch for terrorists'. Doh! Some of us have known this little nugget for a while!!
The happy clampers: Guards laugh as they lock up job seeker's car within seconds of it being parked. There are times when resorting to violence is justified and this is one of them!
Forget the FTSE, it's farmland that will have investors raking in profits. About time too. Farmland has been underpriced for years.
Schoolgirl who filmed fatal 'happy-slap' attack on mobile phone convicted of aiding manslaughter. Hanging anyone?
Vladimir Putin's nuclear threat to the West. Wanker!
George W Bush hits out at Robert Mugabe. Criticising Mugabe won't work. A squad of marines through the front door will. It is the only solution left.
Iranian president to make first Iraq visit. One sniper, one shot. Make the world a safer place.
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Don't even mess with old people.
H/T Shelly
Editors note: The original and true story happened in England a couple of years ago. It caused outrage that a little old lady's call for help from the police was ignored. She recieved wide spread support from the public at large for putting one over on Plod.
CHURCH BULLETINS.....all genuine!
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
.................................................
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
.................................................
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
.................................................
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
.................................................
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
.................................................
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days!
.................................................
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
.................................................
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
H/T Lewisham Kate
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Bet the driver needed new underwear....
The pick-up was traveling from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail. It flipped end-over-end, across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which he was traveling. 
H/T Shelly
.jpg)
Thursday 14 February 2008
Do not kick Timberlake's ball in the rough!!!
My correspondent will be fine once he has removed Justin's a putter from an intimate area
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
