News....

Fallen Marines to be awarded Navy Cross. True heroes.

This 75p insult: 'Pay rise' for thousands of poor pensioners in care homes leaves them worse off than convicts. A bloody disgrace.

As Britain faces recession Whitehall mandarins lavish £320,000 on plasma TVs, hi-fi equipment and DVD players. Sack the worthless assholes. Not a single government department is run properly.

Primary school brings out DVD to teach pupils how to blow their noses and control sneezes. WTF!

The 'nanny state' guide to giving children of five alcohol. You couldn't make this stuff up.

Hunt on for Igor the runaway beaver who is leaving a trail of destruction throughout Devon. Ahhhh....

Britain faces gas shortage as Putin gives Ukraine until end of today to settle unpaid bill. This is becoming an annual event.

Nato troops cut off in Afghanistan as Pakistan fighting flares. Still not entirely sure whose side Pakistan is on.

Iranian students raid British Embassy residence in Gaza protest. Imadinnerjacket's rent-a-mob.

Ban on topless sunbathing urged for Australian beaches. Cue picture of topless totty on Bondi Beach












Anger over knighthood given to Treasury chief. He should be sacked with full loss of pension etc.

Israel 'rejects 48-hour ceasefire plan for Gaza'. No ceasefire until Hamas is destroyed.