Russia recognises Disneyland

The new Cold War crisis deepened yesterday following Russia’s decision to recognize the breakaway region of Disneyland in Florida. Previously part of the United States, Disneyland has for many years been a semi-autonomous, self-governing region, with distinctive traditions, culture and strict border controls which requires United States visitors to queue at length before presenting their papers (such as the 7 Day ‘Magic Your Way’ e-ticket).

American servicemen yesterday entered the disputed territory, and screams and sirens were heard by witnesses. The servicemen then emerged looking excited and soaking wet, clutching a photo of themselves sliding down a water chute. The crisis comes after other nations have expressed concerns about worker exploitation in Disneyland, where it is rumoured that dwarves are employed in the diamond mines and forced to sleep seven to a room, despite the huge diamonds that are unearthed, ready-cut from the ground. There are also a number of on-going power struggles within the area, between local leaders such as Cruella De Ville and Pongo, Sheer Khan and Bagheera, Gaston and the Beast and Maleficent and Sleeping Beauty. ‘These are complex disputes’ said one UN observer, ‘there is no simple right and wrong in any of these cases.’

But now with Russia’s formal communiqué to Mickey Mouse, the spiritual leader of Disneyland, a huge boost has been given to the region’s hopes for full independence, prompting jubilant scenes outside the Enchanted Palace, where Disneyland inhabitants paraded through the streets, dressed in giant cartoon animal costumes, waving at the crowd. ‘It makes me so proud,’ said a Disney merchandise vendor from Main Street, ‘We haven’t seen a parade like this since, well, yesterday…’


H/T DML