News....of sorts.

Phillip's a Nazi, Camilla's a crocodile AND Diana was murdered, but I'm not mad, insists Mohamed Al Fayed. The Phoney Fakir is at it again. Boot the asshole out of Britain.

A million quid is not enough: Natasha should have asked for MORE to present this rubbish. Like I said the other day. The most fatuous tart on telly.

Councils conduct 'chainsaw massacre' on trees over health and safety fears. Stick preservation orders on all of them.

Back to the future with Vatman and Dobbin...Littlejohn let's rip.

Defeat looms for Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan. Do we have a plan for dealing with this?

Beheading plot leader may never be freed. Just execute him. There will be no shortage of volunteers.

Alien species 'wreck world's oceans and rivers'. And liberals are threatening mankind.